A Big Hand For The Little Lady





Conservative and Liberal

Sisters Rita on the left and Betty

Bowling Team Flappers

Back Row_Betty 1st on left
Front Row_Rita 2nd from left

Before I present Sharon, I have to say a little about her mother Betty and her Aunt Rita. Betty was always the most productive joker in our family. She could have you in stitches and curl your socks with her occasional off-color humor. Rita is here to represent the more conservative side of our family, although they were in a significant minority. Betty had no qualms about embarrassing the minority, and her son Chuckie is carrying on her tradition. Here is one of her favorite, albeit more mild stories.



A Penny Scale

At A Pittsburgh
Bus Station

In Pittsburgh, an attractive young lady was waiting for her bus to Greensburg. The Greyhound was running late, so she decided to weigh herself on the Penny Scale and Fortune Machine. A little card emerged and stated:

You are 20 years old and unmarried.
You are 5 feet 2 inches tall.
You have brown hair and green eyes.
You weigh 115 pounds
and you are waiting for a bus to Greensburg.

The young lady was simply amazed, so she put the scale to another test. Again the card came out and said:

You are 20 years old and unmarried.
You are 5 feet 2 inches tall.
You have brown hair and green eyes.
You weigh 115 pounds
and you are waiting for a bus to Greensburg.

This made her so nervous that she had a sudden urge to go to the bathroom. However, she was only able to pass a little gas. She returned to the waiting room and decided to try this amazing scale once more. The card emerged and stated:

You are 20 years old and unmarried.
You are 5 feet 2 inches tall.
You have brown hair and green eyes.
You weigh 115 pounds
and while you were upstairs farting around,
you missed your bus to Greensburg!

Sharon At Two

Look At That Great Face!


My sister Betty and her husband Chuck McCloskey had three children... Whoops! Make that four!... I mean five children! The youngest of the first three was 13 when along came two more beautiful girls in 20 months. Sandy arrived in October 1959 and Sharon in June 1961.

All of Betty's kids were happy and full of fun, but one girl in particular was born with an innate curiosity, openness, and wonderful mischievousness that would drive her mother almost to the brink at times. It's no exaggeration to say that my niece Sharon had a deliciously devilish look in her eye, that I first noticed before she was two years old.

We all know that most young children honestly express their feelings, however Sharon could be brutally honest. Her Aunt Grace had taken in a boarder, a 25 year old woman named Nora. One day as she and Grace sat talking, Sharon sat nearby taking it all in. Nora had just said something about herself not being very pretty. Sharon graciously tried to sooth her with the comment "Nora your arms and legs are pretty, it's just your face that's not pretty".

The McCloskey children were taught that all the body parts between the waist and the thighs, should be referred to as the "heint". One day when the family was in a restaurant, Betty took four year-old Sharon into the crowded ladies room. It's understood that public restrooms harbor bacteria the size of mature hamsters, and women have an aversion to actually sitting down on the john themselves, let alone placing their child in danger.


So Betty held Sharon over the pot to relieve herself. When she was through, it was her mom's turn to squat a few inches over the bowl. As she did, Sharon stooped down to peer under her mom's dress and exclaimed quite loudly "mommy, why do you have hair on your heint?"
Betty tried to shoosh her, but that definitely was the wrong thing to do with this little lady. Sharon put her hands on her hips defiantly and shouted at the top of her voice,

"Well! Why do you have hair on your heint?"

As they hurriedly left the stall, they were met by several hysterical women with smeared lipstick, and tears washing mascara down their faces.

It wasn't too long before Sharon acquired all the social graces, and became another beautiful McCloskey lady like her two older sisters. One can only hope that her children bring her all the joy and adventure that she gave her mother.
Sharon Today
Pretty As A "Rose of Sharon"

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